I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
the raccoons are back...
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