You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
