How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
