I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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