Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize