People with herpes should wear stickers.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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