Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
