I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
