p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You are the jesus of drinking
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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