Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
