I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
