I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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