Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
