Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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