That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
