first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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