My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if only i could text you this smell
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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