Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
