Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
