What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
