Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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