i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
