you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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