Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
