rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize