we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
