Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
