there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
