dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
