I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I came so hard my ears popped.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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