I smell stomach acid.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im part way to drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize