We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
