I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
