Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
