I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
