If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
