She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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