Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
