just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
