Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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