i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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