you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
