Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
