Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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