I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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