I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
