make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Alive.
So much puke
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
