If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
