Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
