3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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