I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
