I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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