just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
