I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
