this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
