My nipple is on Facebook.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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