Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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