i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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