I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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