good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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