arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
