Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
