well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
